The great Philip Roth was talking about being shameless in the writing, not in one’s personality. Maybe it would be clearer to say that you want to write as if you were shameless, because the places where shame lives are also where a writer can find some of their best material.

Shame is something many if not most writers have to deal with in making their work. There are few things that feel more exposing of oneself than performing or presenting something you’ve written, (not to mention the act of writing it).

Even if the material, the song, doesn’t seem particularly personal, you know, in your heart of hearts, it is. It feels like the listeners will see through you and into all your flaws and shortcomings. And maybe they can, at least to some extent.

For most of us, this can be hard. For some writers, it’s debilitating. Because exposing these deep feelings to air and light can be painful.

And shame is not just about lyrics. These feelings can come up around stepping out of one’s comfort zone into new musical territory as well.

The first place where the shame can get me is when I’m writing. I’m feeling into what is true for me about the situation, lyrically or musically. Maybe what I’m writing feels too weird, unconventional… I haven’t heard it done or said quite this way before… That’s when it’s easy to back off into a more conventional (and maybe still good) way of expressing the idea. The other way just feels too… personal, self-revealing, intimate… Maybe I’m a bit ashamed that I see it from my particular angle or that I’m ‘obsessed’ with a certain viewpoint or subject.

That’s when it’s so important to remember Roth’s words and try to push through the shame. At this point no one’s hearing it – I’m not up to that part – so I can write anything I want; why not? I don’t have to play it for anybody… yet.

Another place where shame can emerge is in performing or presenting this intimate-feeling material to others – or even thinking about doing so. Better to get up on a stage naked! It can feel like practically the same thing anyway.

It helps me to remember that when I hear somebody play a song they wrote, my first reaction is usually, ‘That’s a good (or not so good) song”, NOT “That person is a mess!” Most listeners are thinking about whether or not they like the song, not about the psychological derangement of the person who wrote it. If they’re thinking about you at all.

It also helps to play my songs for people as much as I can. I like people to hear what I’ve written, and that tends to overshadow, or at least balance, the fearful emotions.

I like writing best, but in a way playing my songs for people completes them… I have to keep that in mind. And it’s interesting that, in terms of shame, it can be harder to play things for a small group of friends, or listeners who know me, than a larger group of more anonymous folks.

I’m not comparing myself to a giant like Philip Roth other than that I’m a writer too, but I try to remember that if, like Roth, I’m putting myself pretty far out there and people are identifying me personally with the songs,… I should be so lucky! If I’m at the point where people care that much, things are going well.

So strangely enough, what I’m scared of – having my songs heard and being identified with them, even negatively in some people’s minds – is exactly the what I and most songwriters are shooting for. And the fear of one has to be dealt with for the other to be achieved.

I still struggle with everything I’ve written about here. Someday I might put all my ‘writing shame’ behind me but until then I do the best I can to reduce its influence when I’m writing.

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