It’s common for songwriters to anxiously think something like, “when people hear my songs, then they’ll really know how messed up I am (and who needs that?)”.
To feel shame about what comes up in writing is common… but the reticence that comes from that shame is also something that needs to be gotten used to and, as much as possible, overcome.
Most great artists, great songwriters, Bring The Pain. They’re either not afraid of it or – more likely – they are, but push through anyway. This goes for lyrics and music.
The things that scare me most are the things that compel me, moth-to-a-flame, to come closer. Sometimes they obsess me. They scare and excite me. As a writer, I try to lean in to that excitement.
Like everyone, some things scare me so much that I don’t want to think about or feel them – or write about them. But since most writing comes from the subconscious anyway, if I’m willing to keep the channels open, I won’t stop my monsters (and angels) from appearing. That’s a good thing.
When I’m listening to a song, or watching a performer or a film, I’m often struck by how a powerful artist will have available and be able to use difficult, complicated feelings, bringing them right to the surface. (In many cases they might have trouble accessing these feelings in their ‘real’ lives.)
We, the audience, immediately relate when a talented artist does this. When the artist won’t dig down and make it feel real, neither will we – why bother?
Even great comedians (think Chris Rock, Richard Pryor, Woody Allen, Laurel & Hardy) make us laugh by using difficult personal situations, memories of what they’ve endured, their appearance… They turn what could be seen as tragic – their struggle with their limitations – into laughter in which we recognize ourselves.
Great performers who play Heroes (think Harrison Ford, Gary Cooper, even later Clint Eastwood) bring us with them on their journey because we feel their pain – even though they’re heroes, their triumph is not easy for them.
Great singers (you name them)… you know they’ve been there and back.
Even if a song (or any work of art) is lighthearted and fun, if it’s not connected to something real, some sense that the joy in the song does not come easy (that’s why it’s JOY and not just nice), it’s hard for the song to connect deeply at the heart and gut level.
So this is not just about writing dark songs; not at all. It’s about bringing real feeling to whatever you write, no matter how light or dark.
I think of my late friend Doc Pomus’s lyric for ‘Save The Last Dance For Me’. Doc was disabled and couldn’t dance at all; couldn’t even stand up. In his songwriting, he didn’t wallow in that; he didn’t even refer to it.
He took the painful situation he was in and found places within it that many others could relate to. As a writer, he didn’t run away from his most painful feelings – he transformed them.
When Eminem wrote, about performing, “His palms are sweaty/Knees weak, arms are heavy/There’s vomit on his sweater already/Mom’s spaghetti‘, was he backing off from telling us what he really went through before going on stage?
But that’s part of what being an artist is – we’re the ones who go to the scary place and bring stuff back for others to feel and then maybe understand a little better. We go first. Then we help our listeners melt the ice around their hearts.
So dig down to where your hurt is – that’s where much of the good stuff is too.
In this story, you’re the one who makes the Hero’s Journey.
(And don’t forget, you have to learn how to put the feelings into a coherent form – we’re not talking about writing in a journal here. But that’s the craft of Songwriting, which is and will be the subject of many other posts).
Let me know your thoughts in the Comments section below:
And please share by clicking these tabs: