It’s natural for a Songwriter to worry about things like, “when people hear my songs, then they’ll really know how messed up I am (and who needs that?)”.  To feel shame about what comes up when you dig deep in your writing is natural… but the reticence that comes from that shame is also something that needs to be gotten used to and overcome as much as possible.

Most great artists, great songwriters, Bring The Pain.  They’re either not afraid of it or – more likely – they are, but push on through anyway.

The things that scare me most are the things that compel me, moth-to-a-flame, to come closer.  They scare AND excite me.  As a writer, I try to lean in to the excitement.

Like everyone, some things scare me so much that I don’t want to think about or feel them  – or write about them.  But, since much writing comes from the subconscious anyway, if I’m just willing to keep the channel open, I can’t stop my monsters from appearing.  That’s a good thing.

When I’m listening to a song, or watching a performer or a film, what often strikes me is how an artist will use and have access to their painful feelings, bringing them right to the surface.  We, the audience, immediately relate when a talented artist does this.  When the artist won’t dig down, neither do we – why bother?

Even great comedians (think Chris Rock, Richard Pryor, Woody Allen, Laurel & Hardy) make us laugh by using difficult personal situations/memories about who they are, what they’ve been through, what they look like…  They make what could be seen as tragic –  their struggle with their limitations – into comedy triumph.

Great performers who play Heroes (think Harrison Ford, Gary Cooper, even later Clint Eastwood) bring us with them on their journey because we feel their pain – even though they’re heroes, their triumph is not easy for them.

Great singers (you name them)… you know they’ve been there and back.

Even if a song (or any work of art) is lighthearted and fun, if it’s not connected to something real, some sense that the joy in the song does not come easy (that’s why it’s JOY and not just nice), it’s hard for the song to connect deeply at the heart and gut level.

So this is not just about writing dark songs; not at all.

I think of my late friend Doc Pomus’s lyric for Save The Last Dance For Me.  Doc was disabled and couldn’t dance at all.  As a writer, he didn’t wallow in it; he didn’t even refer to it.  He took a painful situation he was in and found places inside it that many others could relate to.  As a writer, he didn’t run away from his most painful feelings – he transformed them.

When Eminem wrote about performing, “His palms are sweaty/Knees weak, arms are heavy/There’s vomit on his sweater already/Mom’s spaghetti‘, was he backing off from what he was really going through?

But that’s part of what being an artist is – you’re the one who goes to the emotionally scary place and brings stuff back for others to see and use.  So dig down to where your hurt is – that’s where the gold is too.

In this story, you’re the one who makes the Hero’s Journey.

(And don’t  forget, you have to take the time to learn how to put the feelings into a coherent form – we’re not talking about writing in a journal here.  But that’s the craft of Songwriting, which is and will be the subject of many other posts).